Most people think that the path to self-love is through the mind. They read books about it, listen to podcasts and watch videos of people talking about self-love. They might even work with affirmations (which I am a fan of when used complimentarily) to try to change their beliefs. 

The problem is that love isn’t of the mind. Love is of the heart.

You can try to love yourself by thinking you do all you want, but if you’re not working on the emotional, energetic, and spiritual levels it will not get you very far. This is why I’ve been practicing and facilitating one powerful breathing pattern for the past decade.

Breathwork helps the busy mind quiet down so you can finally hear what your heart is communicating to you.

I’ve been facilitating this work for a decade and have seen countless people transform through this one simple breathing pattern. Because it helps to quiet the mind it assists us in overcoming old stories that keep us stuck, limited thought patterns, and resistance to change. It also helps to uproot and release the emotions we’ve unconsciously buried in the body. 

Breathwork helps expedite the healing process and brings us into greater communication with the heart and soul. It also supports us in accessing the truth of our deepest emotional wounds and the false beliefs attached to them. The truth is:

The world will tell you that you need to go to school to learn the answers, that you need an expert to tell you what’s “wrong” with you, that somewhere out there is the solution to your problem. The truth is that when you love yourself, you love your body because it’s you, you love your unique way of thinking, you listen to and learn from your emotions because you don’t reject yourself, and you trust yourself to hear your own intuition. 

All of this happens inside. It doesn’t come from doctors, politicians, industry leaders, or influencers. When we are disconnected from ourselves, we feel like we have to go hunt outside for some missing thing to fill us up. It’s actually inside. It’s not out there. It’s in here. When your heart opens to love for yourself you see

yourself differently. You see your gifts, you feel your worth, you trust your intuition, and you know you are lovable. Everything changes from there. 

Yes, there is a natural alchemy that happens through healing, but it is not about changing ourselves because there is something wrong or bad about us. The change that occurs is a byproduct of our own love—it’s not needed in order to love ourselves.

This is a very different perspective than you might have heard before. If it’s familiar to you, you might just need the right support and guidance on how to actually apply it to finally feel your own love.

I was close to 30, broke (like couldn’t-afford-to-put-gas-in-my-car broke), and in denial of my depression when a healer recommended I do some Breathwork instead of work with him. I expected him to resolve my physical pain in a single session, and I cried in the shower after reading his email. There was something about someone seeing in me what I had been unwilling to see in myself that left me feeling both relief and shame. For the first time in my adult life, I was seeing that I was not actually who I thought I was.

Breathwork was introduced to me during a time when you couldn’t find a class in a yoga studio and no one was talking about it on social media. I was told it could support me on a cellular level with my control and boundary issues, all of which were news to me. Though I had no real desire to embark on a healing journey, something in me guided me into a series of sessions. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but it felt like I was dethawing. People close to me began to remark that I felt warmer, happier even.

Without any intention of becoming a Breathwork facilitator (I was an entrepreneur, not a healer) I found myself at a training with my future mentor, David Elliott. Breathwork gave me access to my Soul, the part of myself I had once been deeply connected to as a kid but had shut off in order to find a sense of acceptance in the world. This reconnection enlivened me, guided me back to my creative expression and began to show me the Truth about myself.

I discovered that I actually hadn’t loved myself for a very long time and that I had created an identity based off the qualities I believed would get me love instead of allowing myself to be fully me. I also intentionally avoided looking at areas of my life that would take me to places I didn’t want to go. I wanted to heal, but only as much as was absolutely necessary. Not an ounce more. What I really wanted was to receive the facade of safety through love from other people and show up in the world as if I had it all figured out. That felt easier than confronting my greatest fears and not knowing what to do with them.

I was someone who chose to learn lessons the hard way. In 2016, I went through a blindsiding breakup, and when my partner left, the fears, grief, and despair I’d repressed throughout my entire life rose to the surface all at once. I no longer had the ability to pick and choose what I wanted to look at. I was forced to confront everything I’d been hiding from. It was overwhelming, relentless, exhausting—the most difficult experience of my life.

One of the many days of deep despair I was laying in bed, the sun shining brightly outside, and I suddenly realized no one was coming to save me. If I wanted my life to change, I’d have to make it happen. Soon, I’d come to realize that the pain wasn’t actually about my ex, but about me. I was grieving because I’d been abandoning myself for years. I was riddled with fears that were previously unconscious: that I couldn’t trust myself, that I was unlovable, that I’d be alone forever, and that I’d cause myself cancer (the latter might have been a premonition if I stayed on that track).

I had to bear witness to every single truth I had been hiding from. It’s much easier to convince yourself you’ve got it all figured out than to sit with the reality that you’re terrified of truly being seen and don’t even know who you are. But I did the hard work of self-love, repeatedly, until I mastered it.

My journey took me through the trenches of my inner world. I confronted every limiting belief that surfaced, traced it back to the root, and loved it until the truth emerged. Everything I learned was revealed to me through the grueling process of sitting with my own pain. I began to realize that each time I chose to see the truth and move the pain through my body, I was left with a residue of wisdom. This information gave me all I needed to know about myself, my journey, and my unique place here on the planet.

Self-love is an ongoing process because love is a well of depth that continues to grow. I never imagined I could feel the way I feel for myself, but life continues to give me opportunities to love myself more. Being single for 6 years since that blindsiding breakup was a master class in itself of learning to surrender to the life process, to claim the depth of my worth, and to fully inhabit my life.

For almost a decade I have been supporting people on their healing journey. I know where people struggle with self-love, not just because of those I work with, but because I’ve been there myself.

I know firsthand how much energy we waste on false ideas about ourselves, carrying guilt and shame around, and doubting our worth. I also know how much sweeter, magical, and juicy life is when love is flowing from within yourself. It liberates you from the toxic attachments most people are burdened by and frees you up to create the life you truly desire.

If you’re still with me, continue on to find out exactly what you’ll learn in Good Love.

Breathwork for Self-Love
32 min

Breathwork for Self-Acceptance
33 min

Breathwork for Inner Child Healing
33 min

Breathwork for Soul Connection
26 min

Breathwork for Opening
12 min